Monday, August 3, 2015

i'm 24, and i feel it

Last Thursday (February 12th) I celebrated my 24th birthday! I didn't plan to do anything major this year- Ruben and the girls took me to CPK and we ate BBQ chicken pizza and I had a glass of wine, because I was feeling fancy, clearly. After, Ruben and I dropped the girls off with his mom and went to see 50 Shades of Grey. And yes, I read all of the books- TWICE. I was thoroughly disappointed with the film... but I won't get into that. Kudos to Ruben for being such a trooper and sitting through the entire movie, I'm not totally sure he knew what he was getting into.

I don't know if this is normal or if it's just me, but I have never felt much different, let alone older, while celebrating a birthday. Sometimes I'll even tell people that I'm still the same age, instead of a year older. However, I'm sure that's somewhat of a normal thing to do...

This year was different. I actually feel 24. I would even go as far as saying that I act 24. Though, I'm not entirely sure I know how a 24 year old acts. How do they act? Do they have all of their shit together yet? Are they holding down a job that will eventually turn into a career? Do they have a 401k?! I just don't know.

I was telling Ruben that this is the first time I can actually feel myself changing. Trust me, it feels just as weird as it sounds. My interests, preferences and even my food palate has changed. Fast food never sounds appealing, unless of course, it's In-N-Out :P Vegetables and salads have become a necessity with most of my meals, and I have no idea when I started to like drinking wine? If you know me, you know I'm not much of a drinker. I've completely scrapped majority of my wardrobe and replaced it with basic pieces and neutral colors. I've never seen so much black, white and grey in my closet before! Not to mention, my brows have never looked this good :D LOL!

But it's not just physical changes that I've noticed, but mental and emotional as well. I have always, always, always cared about what people thought of me. I'm a people pleaser, that's the Aquarius in me. But lately, I've noticed that not being so important anymore. Not that I just don't give a crap completely, because I always will. But it just doesn't consume me as much as it used to. It doesn't bother me if someone doesn't like me or something that I'm doing. I've learned to make my own decisions based on what I think and feel is right, rather than getting approval from someone else. I almost feel liberated.

I'm at an age where I'm supposed to be discovering myself, trying to find my place in the world, trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Becoming a mom at such a young age slowed all of that down for me, I've devoted all of my time and attention to my kids and creating lives for them. Naturally, my life was put on the back burner- and that's okay. But you can't just leave yourself there. Or everyone else will be moving forward and you'll be stuck in the same place you have always been. I'm finally realizing that. It's time for me to start moving forward again and do the things that I want to and should be doing, like going back to school!

Another year, come and gone for me. Here's to my 24th year of life being successful and productive!

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