Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Pillow Thoughts 01

I know I'm not the only one who's brain likes to start racing and wandering right before I go to sleep. "Crap, I think that bill was due today!" "Where did I put my phone charger?" "I wonder if all the windows are closed..." "Tomorrow is definitely going to be a dishwasher day" 

Not only do I remember all the things I forgot to do or didn't accomplish for the day, while making a new to-do list in my head for the next morning, but I also start to reflect on life if left alone with my thoughts for too long.

Tonight is one of those nights. 

Lately I've felt as if I don't really have my shit together. Starting a new job and having random work hours has thrown all of our normal, weekly schedules out of whack. This is honestly the most tired I've ever been in my whole existence. And that's pretty hard to say when I'm still waking up around 3-5 times a night to nurse Andi back to sleep. 

I feel terrible- in all ways possible. I'm physically and mentally drained. I'm not giving Riley & Andi the best of me, the two people who deserve it most. I've barely made time to spend with Ruben. My apartment is a complete wreck; with clean and dirty clothes merging together on my bedroom floor. Even coffee doesn't help much, and that's saying something for me.

Everything is suffering. And for what? All for this new job. All because I'm trying so hard to succeed in a brand new field of work. I'm hoping and praying that all this isn't for nothing, and that at the end of the day I can look back and tell myself "See, it was hard... But it was worth it."

Only time will tell at this point. 

Good night out there,


1 comment:

  1. Keep up the good work! I swear I tell Zack ALL THE TIME I couldn't manage a job, kids, home and being a wife. I don't see how you do it, don't be hard on yourself. I wouldn't even attempt to get a job cause' I'm so chicken of how I'd handle it! So for you to be doing all of those things is amazing!